Friday, April 18, 2014
Will Power is Committment
soo...Ven complains of having no will power over eating...Me, I struggle with staying aware, staying in touch with the fundamental reasons for taking ordination. Ayya Khema said it takes a spiritual giant to keep at this without the jhanas. I seldom touch the jhanas anymore, spend little time meditating, just a whiff now and then. It is the presence, the mindfulness that keeps me going. Perhaps this is mudita when I wander in appreciation in awe and gratitude and adoration of the diversity, beauty and stunning wonders that I perceive all around me. The etching of the concrete by water leaching out of a clay planter over time produces an image reminiscent of the ghost of a galaxy or a pleasing dissymmetry of color and pattern. A wave of sunshine illuminates colors and brings up the scent of grass. Birdsong expands the bubble of perception and quiets the mind. Then I know why it is I am doing this. there is so much more to life than the little satisfactions that dampen the body and dull the mind. Times when I do walk as a giant, as a phenomena, as part of this experience. Times when the Qi that houses and nourishes this awareness is expansive and in contact with Qi beyond that which is commonly perceived. There is the moment that makes this right and worthwhile and satisfying beyond words or measure. How on earth can this be difficult to recall or cultivate when it is so powerfully moving? I may be like a moth drawn to the light and find I cannot stay too near but neither can I forsake. There is a quiet anticipation and delight in welcoming each new moment, so that is what keeps me here. And I am so grateful for it, that has nothing to do with ordination, it has been with me since day one, I come by it honestly. My mother calls it being easily amused. Ordination is a declaration that that quality is what is important to me, a declaration that that is what I honor with each breath.